I smelled of smoke nearly all my life- I did it to myself for a decade until I finally decided to make a change! Addictions and habit aren’t easy to kick, but they actually can be!
I grew up around cigarette smoke, and couldn’t wait to join the club. My best friend came to my house; we were newly 13 and my parents were newly divorced, she had her first pack of cigarettes. We walked just a block away to the train tracks behind the new white house.
Yes – train tracks I am not making this up.
So we sat, she pulled out two cigarettes, one for each of our curious lips. I finally took the leap, I was a smoker. How cool and mature am I. Now I would be ready to join the social circles in my family!
Now what I really had, was a new way to relieve stress and ignore my problems. Feeling emotional? Smoke a cigarette Upset at mom or dad for not paying attention to me? Find a cigarette
It began. My addiction to nicotine had become a part of my wardrobe. Even before I could buy cigarettes I was separating myself from my friends that weren’t smoking like I was. I was sad, but I was a badass. I felt like I was so cool because I was doing grown up things.
Before I knew it I was uprooting my life;
moving from Kentucky to Oregon for my first High School Year. Already unsure of myself and hanging with the smoking crowd I had a pretty solid idea on how to make friends.
The school I went to allowed others to go off campus, the first walk outside was enlightening. Immediately I was making friends, so much easier than inside the classroom.
There was one major spot the school kids would go to to smoke, that was quickly disbanded. I was entirely new to this area but I had one thing going for me: I was a smoker.
Needless to say, this crowd lead me to a lot of bad decisions
As I grew into college and relationships, I found my favorite hobby was pushing people away. Now that my favorite thing was no longer an attractive quality I had to get rid of it.
I tried to quit smoking in a variety of ways over the course of five years – from 18 to 23 I struggled with the decision to quit.
You can only quit smoking once you REALLY want to
I kept telling myself, “You want to quit!” But I really didn’t. I liked the comfort, the taste, and the spoils that came with it.
The smoking area outside the bar, the small circle of people outside at a party all smoking. If you’re a smoker you know you can find some one to talk to – in the smoker section.
I tried fancy e-cigarettes but they died and needed online ordering for replacements. I tried nicotine gum but my mouth taste horrible, burned, and I still wanted to smoke. Every trick failed.
I picked up vaping as a hobby to be able to enjoy nicotine around people who didn’t care for the smell. Also, I had a brief boyfriend who loved it and we did it together. But, like the rest it passed.
I would vape inside and smoke outside
It wasn’t until I finally moved in with my husband two years ago that I realized why I had wanted to quit smoking in the first place. It felt like a gross secret.
I didn’t talk about it or do it when he was home. He didn’t like the smell and didn’t want to kiss an ashtray. Which is a fair request from someone who doesn’t smoke.
I was ashamed of my favorite thing and knew I needed to change.
I could not give up the habit
I had learned from all the other attempts that trying to just quit was not going to work. I needed to smoke, it was helpful for stress, boredom, and would even help clear up confusion. The truth about the addiction is to the habit.
The habit of blowing smoke
We should all be aware that smoking anything can be harmful to your over all health. It is a personal decision that can lead to raises in your health insurance and increase your flem production. Basically not great for you.
None the less, I found many benefits to giving up the cigarette and switching to strictly vaping.
Stop Smelling Bad and Start Smelling Good
Just a few months after giving up the cigarettes I could smell it on my clothes. My wardrobe had to be washed a number of times before I could wear clothes without feeling dirty.
Now when I vape in public or at parties, people ask, “What flavor is that?!” “Can I try?” Always warn people there’s nicotine if they ask!
When you light up a cigarette you are dedicating yourself to at least ten minutes of time to get your fix. When I vape I can take two puffs and go back inside without having to put anything out or have ashes in my pocket.
It was an abrupt change, visiting family. Now I was making clouds and not needing to ash. At first I thought I would look silly or be obnoxious, but mostly they were impressed and accepting.
We started smoking to impress others and fit in, and chose vaping to be in control.
Over time I lowered the nicotine in the juices I was buying for my vape. It is no longer about the addiction to the nicotine, it’s about the pleasure of taste. It is a small comfort in the middle of the day. A distraction from stress.
Honestly, vaping is my odor free excuse to step outside and get away from the things irrupting inside.
You can beat your addiction to cigarettes. I found a crutch that worked for me. Maybe you can be stronger than me and get rid of the habit all together!